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thoughts to some questions

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This post is written in response to @wminshew’s questions.

how many days have you missed / how often do you skip?

In my current iteration, I have not missed a week. I never skip, but sometimes the posts arrive late.

this update is super super late. i knew on wednesday that i was not doing a good job. writing this email felt like a chore, which is an indication that something is wrong. i've been thinking about *why* and trying to identify *what* to do since wednesday night. — an excerpt from not doing a good job

I started this project (the captain’s log) in earnest on June 11th, 2017. That iteration ended on the 23rd consecutive week.

what do you miss most on days when you skip?

I feel a deep sense of disappointment and guilt on days when I skip, so I don’t skip. The posts end up late.

what's your system for returning to the practice after skipping?

This system works for me because I am writing these as letters to another human, which I call the admiral. This is not a solo activity.

why have you continued with the practice this long?

A combination of reasons including:

I don’t want to let the admiral down.
It is now a habit, so I don’t feel whole when I don’t do it.
I am afraid if I don’t write, my past will be a mystery to my future self.

what's hardest about the practice?

Starting.

have there been any unexpected drawbacks?

Unexpected drawbacks? Have there been things that I did not expect? None that I can think of. Well, maybe when I write about my life it logs an accurate portrait of how I felt on that day at that time. This is bad because it allows me to look back.

Without a log, I can attach sentimentalism and glamorization to my memories.

A memory that may have been the size of a single postage stamp at one point all of a sudden grows into a five feet by four feet tableau.

When a log, I have to choose not to read about the past when recalling the past.

Maybe it is healthier for me to burn all these posts.

what’s easiest about the practice?

Writing. The hard part is sitting down getting out paper and pen or opening my laptop. Writing is easy because I find once I am set up the words write themselves. Writing has always been something that happens to me.

what’s the biggest benefit you expected?

The practice provides clarity for my mind.

what's the biggest benefit you didn't expect?

When going back to read old posts, I feel like I am traversing time having a conversation with my past self.

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The Captain's Log

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thoughts to some questions

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